As people like to say, change is the only thing that’s constant in our world. The same applies to ourselves and other people as well. We all change and develop as a person and the way we do so is completely up to us and not to other people.
With that being said, we have no right to change and bend other people according to our will. No matter how good of an intention we have for doing it, we must respect other people’s decisions for themselves.
When you derive satisfaction from “fixing” or changing another person in a way that’s more pleasant for you, then you’re just signing yourself up for disappointment. This is because sooner or later, they are going to end up reverting to their old ways.
As such, learning to accept other people instead of judging them right away would be a smarter choice for us. At the same time, we must not depend on the change we can do on other people for our source of happiness, rather we must learn to gain happiness from the change we inspire in ourselves. After all, we are the only person we can surely change for the better.
Surely, there are valid reasons for wanting the other person to change, right? For example, if they are in a downward spiral with addictions, they are living among a bad crowd, or they are neglecting their duties as a partner, parent, friend, etc. When we see our loved ones in this state our hearts surely want to reach out to them and want them to change their ways for the better.
This is understandable and even noble if you only consider the intentions. However, once we dive into the idea of helping others by “Fixing” them, and they end up worse, or they end up coming back to their old unhealthy patterns, then we are more than likely to blame ourselves for what happened to them even though it wasn’t our responsibility in the first place.
We can’t control other people’s actions or the way they want to live their lives. What we can control though are our own lives that we can change for the better and serve as a good example for them and all the other people around us. We can be the inspiration that they need in order to lift themselves out of the abyss.
While we can’t control what other people do in their lives, we can control what happens in our own lives instead and be an inspiration for them to make the change in their lives willingly. Change in the life of a person must come from within. It must be from their own will and not just because somebody told them to.
In this way, they will know that what they are doing is truly for themselves and that they are not just forced or obligated to do it. In addition, they will also be more likely to stick with the healthy changes that they’ve made because they know exactly why they wanted to change their lives for the better.
It is critical for our health + well-being that we learn how to see people for who they are, instead of who WE want them to be. The best way we can express our love and concern for them is to be as supportive and accepting as much as we can of our friends and loved ones who are on their way to changing their lives for the better the same way we changed our own lives for the better.
But, don’t forget that sometimes loving others as they require some healthy boundaries too. 😜
That’s all for now! Enjoy the rest of your week.